For anyone familiar with 12 Step recovery programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, listening in on a conversation between members of such a fellowship eventually will hear something about 12th Step work (“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”) and the various aspects of recovery that one notices when working with others. Years ago, in just such a conversation with another recovering friend, the particular variation on the theme was who (as in what demographic) do you like working with the most, who do you like working with the least, and why. For both of us, the answers we gave - though apparently quite different - were remarkably similar, and continue to be made manifest in our lives.
Dan said he preferred to work with young people in recovery - folks in their mid to late teens and early twenties - because they seemed to him to be a more malleable group; his least favorite group was the elderly, because they seemed so set in their ways. I think my answer startled him - it certainly was not something I felt I needed to think about long and hard. I said, in far less polite words than I’ve recorded here, that I preferred to work with people of any age who had had the snot kicked out of them by life and their addiction, because then they were already softened up and ready to hear a message that could save their sorry donkeys (I wasn’t very tactful, but I made up for it by being colorful.) Further, I said that age was less a determining factor for me than the HOW factor - honesty, openness, and willingness - and the only thing that would prevent me from working with someone would be their attitude. That is as true today as it ever was - maybe even more so in light of what I’ve seen online on some blogs recently.
“If you want what we have to offer and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.”
One of the starting points in both of the programs named is a phrase similar to the one above - if you want what we have, then you are ready to act - and this difference in starting points for some followers of Jesus and others makes all the difference in the world. Chasing after people to hit them over the head with a fear-based tract is not a relational act (unless you consider assault a relationship); for all those who have been brought to Christ by such behavior, I suggest He had already been working hard on you. I never was able to help anyone get cleaned up (AA prefers the term sober, NA prefers the term clean. Believers use a wide variety of terms, all of which begin with the process of repentance.) or become a believer by chasing them and hitting them over the head with a text on recovery, or by pushing fear of hell - but once I stopped chasing them and simply started to focus on living out what I was learning, the most amazing things started to happen, almost all of them based on the principle of attraction rather than promotion. The one of greatest import for the kingdom of Christ is that of relationship-building, and that based solely upon learning to love people as Christ first loved me.
It is hard to build real, lasting relationships. That is a starting point that cannot be overemphasized - it is relatively easy to find a drug dealer in any city, or a hookup for casual sex online, but to build real relationships - whether they begin online or off - takes time and exposure, risk and self-disclosure. I can’t be casually involved in someone’s life if I am working on adding to Christ’s kingdom - and my family! - anymore than I could consider going backwards in time to active addiction without having to count the costs. The most delicate time in relationship building is the moment of first contact - will this person see Christ in me with the unaided eye? If I am promoting Christ, how will people be attracted to Him, since their focus will, truthfully, be on me as the promoter? If, on the other hand, I am simply living my life in front of men, it is far easier for me to answer why I have this smile on my face and the hope of glory in my heart - my potential new family member will be drawn towards me by Christ, and the conversation will be natural.
-cross-posted from Concept 53
1 comments:
This is one reason I have issues with the judicial system *sentencing* people to AA or NA meetings. I understand why they do--but that just isn't attraction, that IS promotion.
Cool post.
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